It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize