piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize