she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm too high and old for this...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
