dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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