we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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