HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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