I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
