So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
