i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize