I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
