all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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