Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize