So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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