so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
