Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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