i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
