That's intense
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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