Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
