thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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