yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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