I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize