I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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