i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Let's paint friendship bongs
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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