You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
