im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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