6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
