Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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