STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
