I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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