A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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