I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
