You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
