I'm so fucking centered right now
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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