Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
im six kinds of drunk right now
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
