Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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