Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
