i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
They took my balls.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I got inside last night via doggy door
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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