she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
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