I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
