You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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