I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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