My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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