Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
