Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
