I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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