If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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