I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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