I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
