i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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