At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
