Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
