The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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