so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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