Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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