Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
