Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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