Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
