Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
