it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
