im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
