Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
