yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
