There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
