Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
