she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
