I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
