I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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