dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
It's just like the Real World with babies
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
