I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
