yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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