you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
