He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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