grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
